Friday, June 19, 2009

Was someone holding their breath?

Topping "threadball" is going to be difficult, but I will try my best.

To begin with, it has been thunder storming and raining in NY for at least 2 weeks. Every single day, at some point, my cats will scurry to their "safe" spots because they are all mortally afraid of thunder. For Scraps, this means the she will army crawl and nest in one of three places: a fabric bin that is filled with sweater scraps (appropriate, I know), underneath a cabinet that we keep our coffee maker on, or if the thunder is really loud or the storm long, our bathroom. When she is in the bathroom she curls up smack in the middle of the rug and just sits there in the dark. Needless to say it is always a surprise to find her in there, but never so much as it was the other night. 

Tim and I are watching something on TV and have all the lights off. I decide get ready for bed because I am very tired and sleepily stagger, during a loud thunderstorm, to our bathroom. The door is cracked and I enter a little bit sideways, stepping with my right foot. The lights are still off at this point and my left hand is reaching for the switch just as the outside of my right foot connects with something small, furry, and now more than before, freaked out. The next series of events happen in rapid succession, or all at once. I valiantly try to "cat step" over her, but all my weight is on my right foot- which is on Scraps- and the bathroom is small. So, my hands flailing helplessly in the dark, I cross my left foot OVER my right foot- which is still on Scraps- and manage to slam my toes directly into the side of the bathtub. At this point my body is at a 65 degree angle from the force of my panic, my legs are still crossed and Scraps is still under my right foot. I can't tell you what my arms are doing (nothing at all helpful, I am sure) because my brain has just exploded with the pain of all five toes colliding with the bathtub and then promptly getting entangled in the shower curtain. My weight finally transfers off of my right foot- as my left foot slips on the shower curtain- and Scraps is released! She tries to tear out of the bathroom at full force. Her hurry was unnecessary, however, because when my left foot slipped on the shower curtain and my crossed right foot went up into the air, my entire body fell sideways through the shower curtain INTO the bathtub (arms flailing). My left foot shot the bath mat (which mere seconds before was Scraps' "safe" area) out of the bathroom- Scraps and all- with such force that they both slammed into the hallway wall. Our poor cat, who is terrified of the storm, actually choose to run OUTSIDE in it rather than stay in the apartment with me, who was obviously trying to kill her. 

Then Tim turns on the light. 

3 comments:

  1. I think you've topped Threadball.

    One question: How did you determine it was a 65 degree angle?

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  2. I re-enacted and filmed the incident, illustrated it and then measured.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good. As long as we have some proof.

    Oh, could you post that re-enactment video, please?

    ReplyDelete