Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Admittedly, I do tend to go overboard with re-reading and re-watching things that I love. I am not quite sure when, where, or why I learned this behavior, which can technically be described as Borderline Obsessive Compulsive Behavior. For as long as I can remember this has been Normal Lauren Behavior (whatever it can be classified as technically). 

Top 3 things I remember being OCD about as a child:
1. The Three Little Kittens Golden Book
2. Bill Cosby- Himself
3. The Sound of Music

Top 3 things I remember being OCD about as a 'tween (thanks Josh) and teenager:
1. Calvin and Hobbes Anthologies
2. Sweet Valley High Books (which actually kept me off of drugs, not because I was reading instead of using, but because my favorite character DIED the very first time she experimented with cocaine at a party. When you are neurotic, scare tactics totally work.)
3. Mallrats the movie (sharp contrast with SVH)

Top three things I am OCD about as an adult:
1. I subconciously count steps. This should have been included in all three lists because I have been doing this since we lived in Dallas. 
2. Most books that I have read before. I can not stop reading them again. And by reading them again, I mean, roughly 30-45x, but none so much as...
3. Harry Potter

In the video I posted below where Pablo is gluttonously stealing mouthfuls of food direct from the supplier rather than waiting for me, the middleman, to distribute it some of you may have noticed that I was listening to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. When I first quit my job in February I treated myself to the entire series on audio, as read to you by Jim Dale. He if an incredible narrator and I have actually outdone myself by listening to the entire series 4 times in 5 months. When I realized this the other day I was horrified! In reality I have read the books AS WELL, and if I total up all that and include it... I can't even think about how many times I have revisited this story. In my defense the series is created like detective novels and you have to re read the last book before you read the next one because J.K. Rowling is a brilliant writer and does not waste a single minute detail. They are all brought back up and referenced in future books. You have to be up on your game or you miss things. Also, it has been lonely as shit working by myself all day in the apartment and Jim Dale is damn good company. I think that I must currently still be suffering from Post Harry Potter Depression (PHPD) -which reminds me of someone else I once met who is obviously a fellow sufferer. 

Imagine this, if you can: I was working at Camper selling shoes and spent most of my day running up and down a flight of stairs fetching things for people who had no idea what their shoe size was. It was baking hot outside and it was one of those days where I had caught some bug or another, had a fever of 102 degrees, ached all over and couldn't really hear, but had to be at work anyway because The People needed their shoes. Of course, being the respectful and patient person I am, I was not complaining at all about my condition (ha!), but was sent out in the middle of my shift anyway to go get some TheraFlu from the RiteAid down the street. Somehow through my delirium I managed to not only find the RiteAid but also the cold and flu isle, the effort of which apparently rendered me completely senseless and sucked all the observation skills that I normally possess from my weary, baking body. That is the only explanation I can come up with that would allow the situation that followed. I crawled towards the counter with my purchase without looking at the person who was checking me out. All of my remaining strength and brainpower was being reserved to make sure I could count my money right, which I was slowly doing when my clerk asked me if I wanted to sign up for a RiteAid card. I slowly (not to fast now because my head might explode) look up into the face of Harry Potters #1 fan. And I mean #1. In my condition he was a little gift from heaven and I am still not entirely sure that I did not hallucinate him to improve my day. There he was, just working at RiteAid on a Tuesday, wearing the blue apron they make you wear, with his name tag pinned on dubbing him "Steve". What was so astounding about Steve was that he had, in his ample spare time and I am sure with his bare hands, carved a Harry Potter Scar into his own forehead. And then went on with his life! Although it is not a complicated achievement it is probably the ballsiest achievement I have ever bore witness to. I mean, this guy was ~40-45 years old, 5"10", balding slightly, 210 lbs and I imagine, living with his mother. I felt like patting him gently on the arm and saying, "Shhh shh... It'll be alright.... You'll be ok..."

Let's all thanks Steve for making me feel normal by comparison. I am sure he is still working at RiteAid and has a tattoo somewhere on himself that says, "Jim Dale is my BFF"

And no, I do not want a RiteAid Card. 


  1. Well, crap. Now I know what you've been doing this last week since your previous post.


    Too good to pass up (password): scust.

    A word people use when they're too lazy to say disgust. As in, "You scust me." Please feel free to say that with a heavy southern accent. Other accents are good as well. Ooh, try a Cockney accent.

  2. My friend Carly says that everything is less charming in a Cockney accent.
    ps. About the hiatus- If a tree falls in the forrest and no one is around to hear, does it make a sound? I thought you were on vacation.

  3. Charming? I don't think I've ever tried for charming. In fact, I waved good bye to that concept long ago. I wouldn't be good at it, gov'nor.

    It wouldn't be a vacation without the internet.